Grange Is The New Shoalts
I’m well aware that Shoalts wrote something or other wherein he complained/whined/made more stuff up/insulted Americans, the usual. However, today, while basking in the gloriousness of a Western Conference Final matchup, I noticed we have a new Canadian poo-pooer named Michael Grange. (Even his photo looks snobby).
So in the interest of my continuing education program, I’ll breakdown his Shoalts-esque work with my usual combination of facts and vitriol!
DAY WALKER
In any other context, it would be a story as uplifting and inspirational as the Phoenix Coyotes’ unlikely run through the Stanley Cup playoffs has been so far.
Tales of persistence and perseverance, of fighting uphill battles and somehow winning?
Sports fans — even hockey fans in Phoenix — lap that up, with good reason.
EVEN hockey fans in Phoenix? /sniffs own fart
(By the way, by any rational measure, the hockey fans in Phoenix are better than the fans in Canada. Being a hockey fan in Canada is being born. Congrats! You did it. Being a fan here means dedication through the Gretzky years, a Canadian who ruined hockey here- thaaanks!, constant derision by assclowns like YOU & marginalization in a saturated market. So, in the words of Cartman: suck my balls.)
He even got a live body, Jamison, the respected former president of the San Jose Sharks, to stand up and say it was so. And he did it in advance of home game with a full(ish) building expected to watch the plucky Coyotes try to advance to the Western Conference finals.
How’s that for feel good?
What shame, and a sham.
What douchiness, and a… douche? Hey Grange- how much money were the Sharks losing when Jamison took over? What did Jamison do to turn around a failing franchise? THESE ARE RELEVANT QUESTIONS THAT JOURNALISTS COULD BE ANSWERING IF THEY WEREN’T TOO BUSY CIRCLE JERKING EACHOTHER TO THOUGHTS OF NORDIQUES JERSEYS.
By the way, at this point I’d like point out that (speaking of pleasuring people) Grange’s twitter is pretty much an overt monument of love to Steve Nash right now. /irony
If Bettman really wanted to hold a press conference that would please someone, anyone, that cares about hockey or about the NHL or about a mid-sized desert town already stretched past its financial limit, he’d announce the Coyotes were leaving, not staying.
“Uhh, fuck you.” -Every Phoenix fan
By the way, his logic here is past the point of absurdity. If he cared about the NHL, or understood basic economics, he would know that Phoenix is a must have market in terms of dollars. Idiot. (Derrr send them to another Canadian prairie town- derr, that’s good for the NHL).
/NBC slits wrists
The deal for an NHL team in Glendale will likely be so bad the community would be better off if the team simply went ‘poof’. Surely the NHL and its players would be better served in a market where there was a fighting chance to make some money.
Surely, I’m talking out my ass.
/Bets money that he quotes Lieberman
According to long-time Glendale city councilor Phil Lieberman, the terms of the deal being given to Jamison — who has partners, apparently, but wouldn’t name them — basically see him guaranteed $306 million in management fees for Jobing.com Arena over the next 21 years, or an average of $14.6 million a year. A large chunk of that money is front-end loaded, with Glendale on the hook for $92 million over the next five years.
/Wins bet.
/Almost ignores rest of article based on quoting of Lieberman.
14.6 million to KEEP THE TEAM IN GLENDALE. Let me see, US Airways Center down the road is in that area (basic research moron).
By the way, estimated losses, JUST SALES TAX, if the Coyotes leave- 300 million over that time period. NOT including debt on arena. So thanks for the advice, jackass.
Also, please tell the 200 people who would lose their jobs if the Coyotes left how happy you’d be for them!
So no, he and his backers — whoever they are — aren’t complete fools to write a cheque for $170 million for a team that has lost more than $50 million the past two seasons despite a rock bottom payroll and consecutive playoff appearances.
The management fee seems like a pretty good deal for them, revenue sharing makes it better. Nearby University of Phoenix Stadium, home to the Arizona Cardinals of the NFL, carries a $9.2-million management fee annually.
U of Phoenix, which you selectively informed readers is 9.6 million (WITH HALF OF THE FUCKING EVENTS OF JOBING) is STILL in that area.
What fucking world do you think you live in where YOU, pissant writer, think you get to personally vet Greg Jamison’s investors? By the way, since I DO know who his partners are, guess what- a lot of them are sports people, sharp sports people, who believe that Greg Jamison can do what he always does- turn franchises with tons of potential into perennial winners.
Who knows? There might be some money to be made…
Yes, that’s why Jamison is buying the team you fucking dunce. He isn’t in this for charity work.
Lieberman has long been a vocal opponent of paying the NHL to stay in Phoenix from his seat on council, and he was no different when Bettman and his posse presented the deal to him in a conference room at city hall Wednesday afternoon.
He’s also the Mr. Magoo of the City Council. No one pays attention to him. You’d know this if you weren’t a fly-by-night jagoff.
They didn’t change his mind, though it’s expected a majority of the seven city councilors will approve the deal.
“If I had to choose between the Coyotes staying and them leaving, I wish they were leaving,” said Lieberman.
Yup, idiot. Grange, do you have anything of substance to say?
t’s not hard to see why, and they still may yet. Monday night’s press conference aside, there are a lot of hurdles to overcome before a deal to keep the Coyotes out of Quebec City is reached.
No there aren’t. YOU JUST SAID HE HAS THE VOTES.
The city of Glendale has to agree to the deal being sought by the Jamison group, DONE and then a city with a $35-million budget shortfall has to figure out how to pay for it — THEY WILL no easy task given homeowners are already going to be hit with a 30 per cent property tax hike in August that will likely come with a layoff of city employees. There’s also the matter of the watchdog Goldwater Institute deciding whether or not the deal is enough of an affront to taxpayers to make it worthwhile opposing through litigation. THEY WON’T
Oh look another Canadian not understanding how the GWI works. If they didn’t oppose the NHL’s inflated 25 million, why the fuck would they bother to oppose 14.5? It’s the same legal principles. The city has to pay SOMEONE to operate the arena.
So come on Gary. What do you say? Do you really want to have press conference people can feel good about? How about giving Glendale, the NHLPA, hockey fans in Quebec City or even Southern Ontario a break and doing the right thing.
Oh, so you’re just another Canadian homer writer looking for some free press. Glad we were able to finally to get to the root of your issue. Fuck you very much.
Next time you have an announcement to make in Glendale regarding the Coyotes, how about cutting the taxpayers a cheque for $10 million or so as a token of your appreciation, offering a heartfelt apology for everything that’s happened and then get the hell out?
Yeah, that will solve a 200 million BKed arena and a defunct Westgate. Take your shit journalism and get back to hero-worshiping one of Phoenix’s best athletes.
The economy in Phoenix was hit hard and recovering. Gretzky and his band of fuckwits drove the team into the ground, the team has obviously recovered. The metro-Phoenix area is MOVING WEST. All of these things point to something- that the Coyotes are a good long term investment, which is EXACTLY what Jamison is banking on.
You’d know this if you were unbiased or competent.
/DISMISSIVE WANKING MOTION
Funny and well said Greg. I myself commented about Grange’s story in Yahoo’s Puck Headlines but mysteriously, my similar comments were removed. Thanks for telling it like it is.